9:01 PM So what's with the numbers? I guess, one way or another, what we choose to do with our lives becomes part of some study or statistic somewhere. 

For some, that which we see with our own eyes and experience with all our other senses can never be simplified or presented in an arbitrary table. The reports are devoid of the stories and the emotions. The papers are lifeless but straightforward. I guess for some, that's a way by which life gets simplified. 

A simplified life of black and white, of right and wrong, and of ups and downs. Maybe that's how fate works. In retrospect, that's how weaving works. Aren't the fates weavers?

It's interesting that amidst having met so many in this lifetime, everyday living has become mundane and jaded. 

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Here's to hoping.

 10:18 PM Random items are on my desk. I guess I've just been too preoccupied to put things in order these past few days. I have a designated spot for each one but working on it at this very moment does not seem too enticing. 

There are days when our energies are up and we face the day head-on with determination to check off all the things in our to-do lists. But, there are also days, when we're barely able to tick off one. It's daunting. Overwhelmed by the work and everything else in between, we sometimes just need to pause. 

To breathe. To take it all in. And to re-evaluate. 

We might never get to finish everything all at once but remember that we'll eventually do enough. The trick is to be mindful of ourselves. 

Rest a while. A quick refresh will do wonders. 

 7:57 PM Everything's more or less done. Sure, there is still a lot on the to-do list but so far the day has been a productive one. Got the major tasks done with a bit of room for improvement. 

Tomorrow's going to be yet another day to wake up and go through the day's motions. It's interesting to see that with the little improvements made before up until now, seemingly challenging tasks have become run-of-the-mill ones. 

I've yet to find the next mountain to conquer. At least for now and for several tomorrows, art would start to take center stage. 

11:53 PM Some days seem to just go on. It feels like it takes longer to finish than others. Today is one such day. 

The sun set early and walking along the pavement and the streets took a while. Streetlights and shops already had their lights on. Good thing it wasn't raining. It would've been more challenging to travel. 

Somehow the walk was soothing though. It kept me from thinking so much about what to plan next. I wasn't going fast nor was I catching my breath but my pace was steady and my steps were deliberate.

Everything was familiar. The scent. The sounds. The transition of lights as I pass by each building, shop, and house. It's okay. This is okay. I am okay. 

 8:30 AM My head is throbbing. I woke up with that feeling that the world around me was moving in circles. Maybe it was lack of sleep. Maybe I needed to rest. Maybe I'm thinking too much. 

As for now, I guess I'm going back to sleep. Usually, when I wake up from it, I'd feel better. Hopefully, this time it works too.

12:56 PM I feel a lot better but still a bit groggy. I'll put off work to maybe tonight. At least by then I'd have gotten a bit of a break.

 7:14 PM It's a holiday today. There's no work and there's a storm. It's good that the most that we had were slightly rainy and cloudy weather. On the news, it said that it's the strongest typhoon in the world for this year. 

As for me, well, here I am. Trying. 

I'm still trying to work out the most efficient way of fixing up my room and things. I actually want to buy new opaque white curtains and put the others in the wash. It's been so long since the curtains had a good washing. I have artworks to finish and to hang on my walls. I have a lot of unfinished work. But maybe the top priority should be me trying to look for myself in the heap of this never-ending to-do list. 

10:35 PM My head hurts a little. I guess it's from being in front of a gadget screen most of the time today. I've been wearing glasses. I hope that helps. Or maybe I'm just tired. Nothing really makes much sense right now. I hope tomorrow will be better. At least, hopefully, I'll be nearer to finding myself. 

If you find me, even just a glimpse of myself among this chaos, please let me know.

 10:55 AM It's been months since the pandemic broke out and derailed so many plans for this year. Trips were canceled. The school's gone online.  Everything else is just a blur. 

Plans? Do I really have those in my life right now? I am just so lost. A lot of my friends and family would say that at least I earn something for a living. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for that. It's just that... I'm no longer happy. 

Was it because I no longer get to meet people? Was it because I rarely go out? Was it because I've been doing routine things? I am uncertain. 

Maybe, in the midst of the lull brought about by accomplishing mainly online and at home, I'd eventually find my way.

9:22 PM Watching a series on my tablet as I write documents for submission, I contemplate what will happen several months from now. Will I still be here? Will it still be the same routine? Waking up and going through the motions is just so mechanical. I'm actually really happy because of the break and it feels like somehow I got to recalibrate a little. 

11:18 PM Ready to sleep but not quite sleepy. This is all too familiar. The buzz of the airconditioning, the silence, and the random creaks. I am once again sleeping late. Thoughts racing but don't quite make sense.

10:25 PM I listen to the droning washing machine and swishing of the electric fan. I've nothing but electronic stuff around me right now. The TV remote control on my left, my phone on the right, a smartwatch on my wrist and right now I'm typing away on my laptop. 

I've just turned off the TV. The sounds are actually pretty mundane. I've gotten so used to them as company for dinner or every so often all-nighters when I need to rush documents, layouts, codes or even games. White noise as some may refer to it. 

Noise. 

Everyday routine seems to suck the zest I once had. I need to distract myself. 

Lord, is this my ceiling?

9:21 AM I've watched the Disney movie, Coco earlier today. I really enjoyed it. I loved how the characters were developed, the animation so crisps and also the mix of colors and environment design. One day, I will create my own full film of such quality in story and visuals.

I've purchased two books too: You're Weird by Bo Sanchez and The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I've got the latter one recommended one too many times. The former, "spoke to me" as I saw it in the selves. Maybe because I kept on calling myself weird that I got to relate to it! Anyways, I'm excited to read both.

I love how little breaks such as today is peppered in between work. It serves as a breather to the otherwise monotonous days that we're living out.

On a side note, I even got to chat with a former student and even a colleague. This was the perfect way to end the workweek.

Lord, thank you for showing me how to balance work and life. 

9:08 PM It was just today that I was able to join a colleague visit someone from the hospital. Hospitals are those places where I would go there if I need to but would most often than not opt not to.

The rooms and hallways were white giving it that dull but sterilized look. Can't the wall have much more color? I think those in there would be much happier. Do you think so? Maybe if there were kids there, they'd know what I'd be talking about.

Lord, grant me good health so that I'd be able to live a long, happy and colorful life. 

9:15 PM Today, we were sent new schedules. I read the updated listing during a class that I will no longer handle in the semester. There were just a few kids present. There were only eight to be exact.

9:17 PM This is the first week that I'd get to conduct formal classes and lectures. So far, so good. I am enjoying my schedule this semester and hope that the kids will enjoy it too.

I've prepared and identified a breakdown of what topics we will be covering throughout the semester and I hope we'd be able to follow through on them all.

Lord, may you grant a mixture of fun with all the learning we'll be having in all the classes for this semester.

10:20 PM I received an assortment of gifts a while back. Maybe things are finally looking up. I guess my days aren't so bad after all. I enjoyed flipping through the character reference book.

I was a bit down lately but then things got a bit better. Maybe... just maybe... tomorrow will be a sunny day too.

Lord, thank you for all the blessings. 

11:53 PM I've just remembered, I've wanted to post here today. Yet, I was caught up in podcasts, online games, creating art and updating online social media accounts.

I like how productive that day had indeed ended.

Lord, I pray for more days such as this. May there be happier ones in the future too. 

9:55 PM Just finished a game. At the end of it, one would either see a blue crystal emblazoned with the word victory or a red one with the word defeat. If you've played so many games as I have, you would know the familiar voice that announces the conclusion of each game.

After each game, what do you usually do? Do you assess what you've done right or what you need to improve on or you just hastily click play again?

Playing games is definitely fun and allows me to take some stress off my system. I like to believe I learn a bit from it every time it concludes.

Lord, may I learn lessons from the tasks and activities of everyday.

8:10 PM I took a nap a little while back and now I'm in front of my laptop typing away as I take a bites from my chocolate bar and often take swigs from my water bottle. It was a long day.

My day started relatively early as I was required to report to work by 7:30 am. The challenge of getting started means having to restart standard procedures and work routines. The schedules were not yet distributed and personnel and facilities were not yet ready yet one needs to work with the facilities that was available. The day went on and classes were through with assignments successfully given out.

Lunch was a welcome break. I am thankful for it for over the meal, we have shared stories of old. I miss this kind of relaxed conversations, the ones where you reminisce yesteryear for it has its own charm amidst being part of the past.

Traveling to the province capital on a hot day was not what I was looking forward to in the later part of my day. The 45-minute commute felt longer than it normally did for I was sleepy and part of the way I was under direct sunlight! Luckily, the moving bus provided enough air to keep me from sweating so much. As I got off the bus, I made my way to a government office, where I was instructed to go from one person to another, from one place to another just to acquire a single piece of paper. The transactions as I have observed could have been made more efficient if only the personnel had little empathy towards their clients.

In the end, I had acquired the paper and the knowledge that fortifies my perception of such a government office--bureaucracy is deeply rooted in our society. As I commute home, retirees were loudly chatting away as if they own the public transport.

I sighed. I was tired. It was a long day.

Lord, grant me patience to work through the many challenges of everyday work and living. 

8:40 PM How many times do you need to talk to someone before they're no longer a stranger? Once? Twice? Maybe a bit more than that I guess. But then, when will you eventually call them an acquaintance, a peer, a colleague or even a friend?

First impressions allows us to form initial perceptions of an individual. As of today, I was not impressed with what I witnessed.

Lord, allow me to have a discerning spirit in all areas of my work and everyday living. 

8:08 PM ...and so a new term starts. It does not have the usual hype of being around for the first day. Maybe everyone has gotten used to new beginnings by now or maybe because the delay caused the hype to run out. Whatever the case, what is apparent is those that I've met today seemed all too drained.

We strive for outputs... for perfection.. for productivity. However, have we forgotten that we are but humans and not machines? Have we forgotten that we get tired and may even need rest?

My question is... how do we even begin when we're low on fuel and do not even know or haven't even felt that the previous term had ended.

Dear God, please grant me rest for my soul and body is tired and weary.