8:30 AM My head is throbbing. I woke up with that feeling that the world around me was moving in circles. Maybe it was lack of sleep. Maybe I needed to rest. Maybe I'm thinking too much. 

As for now, I guess I'm going back to sleep. Usually, when I wake up from it, I'd feel better. Hopefully, this time it works too.

12:56 PM I feel a lot better but still a bit groggy. I'll put off work to maybe tonight. At least by then I'd have gotten a bit of a break.

 7:14 PM It's a holiday today. There's no work and there's a storm. It's good that the most that we had were slightly rainy and cloudy weather. On the news, it said that it's the strongest typhoon in the world for this year. 

As for me, well, here I am. Trying. 

I'm still trying to work out the most efficient way of fixing up my room and things. I actually want to buy new opaque white curtains and put the others in the wash. It's been so long since the curtains had a good washing. I have artworks to finish and to hang on my walls. I have a lot of unfinished work. But maybe the top priority should be me trying to look for myself in the heap of this never-ending to-do list. 

10:35 PM My head hurts a little. I guess it's from being in front of a gadget screen most of the time today. I've been wearing glasses. I hope that helps. Or maybe I'm just tired. Nothing really makes much sense right now. I hope tomorrow will be better. At least, hopefully, I'll be nearer to finding myself. 

If you find me, even just a glimpse of myself among this chaos, please let me know.

 10:55 AM It's been months since the pandemic broke out and derailed so many plans for this year. Trips were canceled. The school's gone online.  Everything else is just a blur. 

Plans? Do I really have those in my life right now? I am just so lost. A lot of my friends and family would say that at least I earn something for a living. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for that. It's just that... I'm no longer happy. 

Was it because I no longer get to meet people? Was it because I rarely go out? Was it because I've been doing routine things? I am uncertain. 

Maybe, in the midst of the lull brought about by accomplishing mainly online and at home, I'd eventually find my way.

9:22 PM Watching a series on my tablet as I write documents for submission, I contemplate what will happen several months from now. Will I still be here? Will it still be the same routine? Waking up and going through the motions is just so mechanical. I'm actually really happy because of the break and it feels like somehow I got to recalibrate a little. 

11:18 PM Ready to sleep but not quite sleepy. This is all too familiar. The buzz of the airconditioning, the silence, and the random creaks. I am once again sleeping late. Thoughts racing but don't quite make sense.

10:25 PM I listen to the droning washing machine and swishing of the electric fan. I've nothing but electronic stuff around me right now. The TV remote control on my left, my phone on the right, a smartwatch on my wrist and right now I'm typing away on my laptop. 

I've just turned off the TV. The sounds are actually pretty mundane. I've gotten so used to them as company for dinner or every so often all-nighters when I need to rush documents, layouts, codes or even games. White noise as some may refer to it. 

Noise. 

Everyday routine seems to suck the zest I once had. I need to distract myself. 

Lord, is this my ceiling?

9:21 AM I've watched the Disney movie, Coco earlier today. I really enjoyed it. I loved how the characters were developed, the animation so crisps and also the mix of colors and environment design. One day, I will create my own full film of such quality in story and visuals.

I've purchased two books too: You're Weird by Bo Sanchez and The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I've got the latter one recommended one too many times. The former, "spoke to me" as I saw it in the selves. Maybe because I kept on calling myself weird that I got to relate to it! Anyways, I'm excited to read both.

I love how little breaks such as today is peppered in between work. It serves as a breather to the otherwise monotonous days that we're living out.

On a side note, I even got to chat with a former student and even a colleague. This was the perfect way to end the workweek.

Lord, thank you for showing me how to balance work and life.